That Was Then, This is Now

Took my 1992 Pontiac Firebird out of the garage today. That car was the love of my life, the 4 wheeled version. Haven't driven her in a long time. There's always too much crap piled up in front of or on top of (which makes me want to scream, btw) her to even think about pulling out of the garage. But, because the other car needed repairs, I had to take it out today. I had forgotten how fun it was to drive. Low to the ground, nice rumble, corners like it's on rails. It's not the nicest, cleanest, most valuable car out there, by any means. In fact, the clear coat is cracking, a couple of rust spots, and the t-tops leak when it rains. It isn't worth much to anyone but me. I really haven't taken it for a drive but once or twice since I got my Harley. The nice weather always makes me choose my bike. My interests have changed since I bought that car about 12 years ago. The original plan was to give it to my son when he turned 18, if he stayed on the right path...but he isn't the same sweet boy that hung around with Mom and wasn't too cool to say I love you. That got me thinking...How much has changed in the last 12 years? Practically everything. Every time the sun was shining and the temperature was over 60, I'd be cruisin' with the t-tops off. I'd go absolutely nowhere in particular, just clicking miles away, just for the sake of feeling the sun shine on my face and the wind in my hair. That was then, this is now. I still love the sun on my face and the wind in my hair, only it changed when I got my V-Rod. Same principal, different method. I'm not the same person...or am I?

I had a (car) love of my life, and I lost interest. I now have a new (Harley) love. Nothing is the same as it was 12 years ago, nor should it be. No person is the same as they were 12 years ago...I know I'm not. All of this has gotten me to start thinking about relationships and love. How do you make a decision about someone and about forever when you know that neither of you will be the same person in 12 years? Almost everyone changes. So how can you pick a person and say this is who I want to spend the rest of my life with? That person won't be the same 12 years down the road and neither will you. Sure, there's always the theory that you will both grow together....but isn't that just wishful thinking, or rose colored glasses, similar to winning the lottery? The odds are in your favor that you won't grow together. And what if you wake up one day and just plain don't like anything about that person anymore? Simple answer is, then leave, right? But that's easier said than done more often than not. Houses, children, money, careers, everything that muddies up the waters and makes decisions and actions ultra complicated.

(In spite of my fast, shiny, black Night Rod Special) I am still one of those girlie girls that believes that love stories can come true. Prince Charming....probably doesn't exist...but the concept of true love, I want to believe it's possible. But I'm pragmatic enough to always remember that the odds are not in favor. The ideal mate, funny, witty, intelligent, compassionate, considerate, loyal to a fault, fun loving, patient, kind, affectionate, passionate...is it all too much to ask for? And if you find it right now, how do you know that it isn't fleeting? Do relationships have a shelf life?

I have made many choices in my life...many of them at a very early age. Everything changes. Back then, I thought I knew so much, and now I know how much I didn't know. Years from now, I'll know how much more I didn't yet know right now.
That was then...this is now....and there is so much more to come.

Live life as if there is no tomorrow, but make your decisions as if you will be stuck with them for all eternity.