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Sunday, March 28, 2010

Screw it, let's ride!

Anticipation is making me wait…
Patience has never been my strong suit. I seem to always be in a hurry to get to the next step, the next achievement, the next event.
I am chomping at the throttle to get this bike on the road with the new unbling on it. Not that it makes a difference in the way the bike rides, but it does make a difference in the way it makes me smile.
The ONE place where I make it a point to slow my mind and savor every moment that I’m experiencing is when I’m riding. It’s not the destination, it’s the ride is so true. Feel the wind, the sun, listen to the bike, hear the wind in your ears, FEEL the experience. It’s ecstasy on wheels!

I was contemplating today that there are so many different views on spending your time. Mostly I was thinking about it in regards to riding.
Living in the Midwest, where the riding season is really only May through September if you’re lucky, and working weekdays, every weekend without rain is precious. Now, granted, I do not have small children, so those people would not fall into the category I am in, because time with your children is far more precious than anything.
My summer weekends are a fleeting commodity, and the closer it gets to the end of summer, the more greedy and stingy I am with them. Last year my niece’s bridal shower was a weekend in July. I chose to ride instead. Now some of you may find this very selfish, and you are entitled to your opinion, but first listen. It had been a crappy riding year, a lot of rain and cooler than normal temperatures. The niece was not a child I’ve been close to, and I did send them a very nice gift. I am certain she did not say to herself, damn, I wish my Aunt Sharon was here today. Hardly. My theory was, I am not wasting an entire day sitting at a bridal shower wearing uncomfortable girlie clothes, watching someone unwrap gifts, eating catered food sitting at a table of people I don’t really know or probably even like, when I could be one with my bike, soaking up the summer sun, perhaps discovering roads I’ve never traveled before. Selfish? Maybe. The older I get, the less I care what people think about me.


I have friends that say they’ll go with me on a poker run, only to bail out at the last minute because they have something else they need to do. Those people are in the ‘other’ category. Those who feel that their time is also precious, but there are many things they need to accomplish or experience, and that spending the day wandering roads and putting miles on for no reason other than to waste a day, is a waste of their time. The direct opposite of me. I’m not saying they’re wrong, or I’m right. To each his own.

So, mid June I have another wedding to attend. This time, a nephew. Another child I’ve spent very little time with. Only this time it will be an entire weekend because the event is in southern Illinois. A long drive there, an overnight at a hotel, and a long drive home. A commitment to which I don’t want to tie myself down, I’d rather be riding, weather permitting. I cannot send the response card in saying we’ll see what the weather is, if it’s shitty, I’ll gladly attend, but if it’s nice, I’m riding. They wouldn’t understand (they don’t ride). So my dilemma is to commit or not to commit. I’m sure the message it sends to family if I don’t attend a wedding would be a negative one, but as I said, the older I get, the less I care what others think about me! My happy medium I suppose would be to ride to southern Illinois, weather permitting. But I can’t ride to a wedding in girlie clothes and walk in with biker hair…so I will have to ask to hitch a ride with someone. I would still much rather send them a nice gift, stay at home, with my riding friends, spending my precious time the way I want. I am selfish, I know this.

The shortest distance between two points…..is for people who don’t ride! Life is short….screw it..Lets RIDE!

Monday, March 8, 2010

I HATE confrontation!

The whole purpose of this blog is to purge what’s been on my mind…so as boring as work problems here, here goes:

I bust my ass at work, it’s my nature, when we’re busy, I work double time. I like being a part of solutions to better things and make things easier. I created a lot of professional looking documents at home on my laptop, and for over a year, I was bringing my laptop to work because we don’t have computers…until I finally convinced them to buy a cheap laptop.
So…here’s my issue:
I work with a receptionist who has been there over 27 years, she’s used to the old country ways of a sleepy quiet town, she knows everyone and talks to EVERYONE. Great, but that’s ALL she does. I’ve ranted about her before, she carries around papers to make her look like she’s doing something so she can ignore everything else going on around her because she’s ‘busy’. She does little to nothing in the way of working. The other receptionist is a spiteful, clueless dimwit, ‘nuff said. If I go hoover my lunch (while answering phones and everything else) she will come in the next day with a full meal & read a magazine, just because I ate lunch.
The day kennel help, spends most of her time up front babysitting the 27+ yr office bitch, and avoiding anything she can in the way of work. Her daughter is the afternoon kennel help, she texts, and reads each and every newspaper before she lines the kennels with them.
For a little while I was cutting my work performance down because complaining wasn’t getting a thing, so if they were going to get all the perks, screw it. Then I was ‘spoken to’ and told that my raise would reflect it…HAH next thing a few months later…Boss says money is tight so no raises for anyone last year, but gave us bonuses…but everyone got the SAME bonus.
This spring Boss is remodeling his kitchen and the basement. (I realize that is a boss’s prerogative, however if you’re telling your workers there’s no money, you should probably keep your renovation plans to yourself.)
In January this year, I got screwed out of a sick day, because it wasn’t April yet and my start date was April 1st. Ok, but last year when I got sick in January they only paid me 2 sick days because they suddenly decided there was a cap on sick days, when before there wasn’t. So a few weeks ago, the day kennel help who does little to nothing of her job, gets sick and lands in the hospital for a while, and they pay her 3 WEEKS of sick days! I understand being sick for weeks is a hardship, and it’s great that they did that for her, but it’s equally as BAD that they argued semantics with me over a sick day taken too early, and I wasn’t even asking for something that was in addition to what I was supposed to have COMING to me.

Add to all the above that the management has an out of sight out of mind business philosophy and won’t fire anyone, no matter how bad they are, because they might look bad….and I’m always the one he comes to when he wants something do because he knows I’ll make sure to get it done, so I’m always the one being told what to do, while the others are getting away with doing NOTHING because they can.


So, here is my dilemma, the others get paid more than I do, and I do more work than they do…3-4 times more work. I thoroughly believe that I am worth more. It is not in my nature to stand up and say I “deserve” ….so I’ve been putting it off…..but it’s really getting ridiculous!
I need pep talks to get brave & stand up for what I believe!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Arizona


From the minute I walked out of the airport and into the Arizona sun, I felt LIGHTER, freer, happier, content. But the trip itself was a disaster for the most part. At the airport I couldn't find my headphones, so I paid outrageous airport prices for a new pair, only to get there and realize I did have them, they were just stuffed away in my luggage, and then leaving them in the rental car when we returned it. At the gate, my cooler/carry on was too big and they made me check it, and I left the charger and dvds in it after I took my laptop out of it. I sprained my ankle by missing the last step at the hotel the very first whole day I was there, and then hiked a 2.5 mile path up Superstition Mountain (my place of peace). My friend walked the whole trail with me, and she fell on the way down. It stormed pretty bad Saturday night, and the next two days were only in the 50’s. We were very late for the return flight and when I got to the airport they had to search my carry on. Apparently I exceeded the amount of small bottles of liquids and they threw out my hairspray and flat iron spray. I find it ironic that security at Sky Harbor airport it tighter than O’hare International.

Aside from the above, I had several highlights from my trip. I was determined not to let any of that junk interfere with my enjoyment of my favorite place. After I sprained my ankle Friday morning, I continued on with my plans to hike Superstition Mountain, my place of peace. I had decided to take some of my Mom’s ashes there with me and scatter them. She was never able to physically go up the mountain trails like my son and I did every year, but she would have loved to. It’s silent up there, serene, a nice breeze, you can actually hear the wind, see the hawks soar, wings outstretched, gliding but not moving at all. The wildflowers in spring, a carpet of little yellow and white poppies, the shades of the stones. Reds, corals, grays, oranges, even purple. My Mom always loved Native Americans, and their history. The superstition mountains had history. Legend has it that the Apache Indians hid gold they had stolen from the Spaniards.
I found a beautiful area lined with large stones, boulders and some brush to provide shade, and whispered goodbye again, and cast her ashes to the wind. It was a powerful and spiritual moment for me which brought me to tears. I think she would be happy.
It was very difficult for me to retrieve those ashes from the urn that sits on my curio. I was always too upset to even open the wooden jewelry box type urn, let alone open the container that lies within. But, I took a deep breath, cut the seal on it, opened the bag, removed the tag, and opened the inner bag to scoop out a small amount of ashes. I was not prepared for how difficult it would be for me, because I wasn’t aware of how much crushed bone there was in the cremains. I knew I would most likely encounter bone fragment, but I was taken aback by the gravel like consistency of it. It really upset me to say the least. Took me a long time to calm down from that. So….after going through all of that, I refused to let a sprained ankle interfere. After all, this trip could very well end up being the last one that I would be physically fit or able to do that hike.

Saturday night we went to dinner with my Arizona twitter pals…and I cannot say enough how much I love them. They’re all wonderful, treated me like family, and I felt a strong sense of belonging. Earlier that morning I was even given the gift of taking a ride on the back of a motorcycle to Tortilla Flat, which is in the superstition mountain range. Beautifully stunning scenery, it was a fulfillment of one of my fondest wishes, to ride on a bike alongside my mountain, enjoying Arizona air. My Grandma could see Superstition Mountain out of her kitchen window. When I first visited her as a little girl, she would say see my mountain? Then, when my son came with me, I would tell him when we hiked, this is my mountain, and he would argue with me that it was his, so we would agree that it was OUR mountain. It has deep special meaning to me, and to be able to ride there, it was indeed a bucket list moment. And I thank Tony for making it come to fruition. Love ya Tony, you and Becky are GOOD PEEPS, the greatest! There are not words for how special that was for me. xoxo.

Saturday night it ended up storming like crazy, lightning, thunder, pounding rain. As my bff stood out on the balcony watching the lightning over our view of North Mountain, I mentioned that my Mom loved storms and loved watching them. Then it came to me…the day after she passed, I woke up to a raging storm, lightning galore. I said, that must be Mom, up there saying do that again, I wanna see!
The day after I spread her ashes in Arizona, it stormed like crazy in the desert. Coincidence? Perhaps…but I think maybe not. I believe in God, and the Universe, and I believe they speak to us in many ways. While on the mountain hike, I sat looking toward the top, and asked God and the Universe for my hearts desires. Happy, healthy, financially secure, to be loved and in love for many joyful years of the rest of my life, so that I can, in turn spread joy and happiness, and help in any way that I can.

It all went by so fast, and now I’m home, back in the cold. But my heart is warmer these days, having visited my favorite place, and meeting up in person with my favorite people. Warmer indeed!