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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Just relax

I'm now two months into the enjoy life project. Every day I try to find something that makes me feel good or happy, no matter how little or 'insignificant' it may be. So far I've taken inventory of the smells of flowers, the color of farm fields and trees, storm clouds, freshly paved and curvy roads, the joy my dogs bring me, the taste of Rocky Road ice cream, all the little things that go by unnoticed on a normal day. I don't know if it's a result of paying attention and filling myself with happy moments, or if it's just the fact that I'm away from an extremely stressful job and free to do whatever I want whenever I want, but I feel lighter, happier. I still have major problems, don't get me wrong, but I do feel that because I'm taking note of the good stuff, I feel better, and better things are happening. So I'm looking forward to the snowball effect of joy, and eager to find out what's next. Which brings me to the subject of this blog entry.

I've touched on this subject before, so it may be a little redundant, but my recent road trip has again caused me to be conscious of being present. This time I realized that I have this habit of leaning in forward motion. It's a physical and mental manifestation that I must get to the next point, and I must do everything in a timely manner. I'm always in some degree of hurry!

While riding from Home to Sharon, Pa (410 miles) I didn't see it. It was leave early, get there before dark, no problem, the usual plan. The next day, the plan was to ride to DuBois Harley in DuBois Pa. then go straight north through New York state to hit Lake Erie and ride the shoreline as far as possible, stopping in Cleveland OH. to stay over and visit the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, then ride the rest of the way home. All in all it was 1200 miles in 3 days. On the second day, after visiting the the Harley dealer, on the way to the lake, I kept feeling myself mentally, and physically leaning forward in a hurry. I thought to myself...why? There are no set plans, the trip is about enjoying the lake and the view, so stop that! I'd stop for a little while, then find myself in that tensed up hurried state again. Several times I had to make a concentrated effort to stop doing that. I had no deadline to meet, just to get to Cleveland to stay over at no specific time. So why on earth was I always feeling like I HAD to get there and I had to do it NOW? I've been like that my whole life. I need to STOP THAT. Pay attention to what is now, just relax, dammit and enjoy the good stuff while you can. All this time of ignoring that, now it's such a habit, it's an involuntary reflex. That is going to be a hard one to break!

So, here are a few observations and thoughts, the highlights of the road trip:
Travel through Pa & Ny was very hilly and mountainous. Not as steep as the mountains on the way to Grand Canyon, mind you, but still steep. I found myself in what I call a "Big Dog Moment" It's that moment where you realize that if you're going to run with the big dogs you gotta get off the porch! I was riding the highway and there were semi trucks everywhere. Fine, I've dealt with them before. I never ride along side a semi (advice from a truck driver..never, not even with your car) I catch up, hang for a minute, then throttle it past. But, add steep downgrades and twisty roads to the mix. Eh, not so bad, doable, right? Then put all that together with grated road construction, going 75mph! Tension indeed. Another 'graduation' for me. Been there, done that, don't care to find myself in that position again! I'm sure I will though, and I'll have the confidence that it can be done. I spent about 4o miles behind a dump truck full of dirt. That was painful. Free microdermabrasion, I figure I must look a few years younger now!

The Allegheny National Forest was really pretty to ride through. I've never seen so many trees in my life it's SO GREEN over there. As a person who has lived their entire life in the Plains, I find that I marvel at non flat ground and winding roads. Everything here is a grid, North South, East West, easy navigation, no confusion. Riding through mountains...not so much! It was beautiful, I tried the best I could to take pictures, but riding those roads did not allow for much picture taking! (Kids, don't try this at home) I tied the camera around my neck, and stuffed it down my shirt when I wasn't snapping. A great use of cleavage, sometimes it's good to be a girl! So I indiscriminately snapped away when I felt safe enough to take my left hand off the grip.

Here's an interesting note. So, I spent a lot of time making myself not be in a hurry, but then it started to get late, and I had to hurry to get to the hotel, because it was clouding up...and get this...lightning. For those of you who haven't followed my blog, my Mom loved lightning. The morning after she passed it stormed like crazy. I said that must be Mom up there saying do that again! Back in Feb I took some of her ashes to Arizona to hike my favorite mountain, scattered some ashes into the wind at the top of the trail. The next night...it stormed like crazy in the desert! So, I took a road trip to Memphis, cuz Mom LOVED Elvis. Decided at the last minute to take some ashes. While I was retrieving them I said, hey Mom, no storms this time, ok? Storms on a bike are not cool. If you must, lightning is fine...but no rain, ok? Well, rolling into Memphis as it was getting dark, first heat lightning, then bolts across the sky. It misted for 2 minutes, just enough to get a few spots on my tank, and then nothing else. Lightning, no rain. Coinkydink?
Anyway...on this trip I did not take ashes with me. I'm done with the spiritual travels. So the lightning must have been random, right? Well, it got chilly, I put my jacket on, reached into my pocket and in it was a little stone from Superstition Mountain that I had picked up on my way down from my hike. I had forgotten I had put it in my jacket because I was going to bring it back in the house. I thought I had lost it. I asked the heavens, please don't let it rain until after I'm safely in the hotel room. I got there, checked in, went across the street to eat a very late dinner, and when I walked out the door, it had rained and stopped! Anyway, read into it what you will, but I find it fascinating.

The visit to The Rock n Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in Cleveland OH was really nice. You could spend 3 hours there taking in the movies and video exhibits there. I did not, however, as that was the same day I was riding the rest of the way home. I loved the exhibits of clothing and instruments, I found it fascinating that these musicians who were bigger than life in my mind, were actually very small in stature, or very skinny by looking at their clothes. But I was mostly moved by the articles from those gifted artists who were gone, taken from us all too soon. As I approached them, I got goosebumps. I loved reading the writings of the musicians, the lyrics in the making of songs I knew and loved, right there in their own handwriting. There was a display of Jim Morrison, the receipt of his plot in Pere La Chaise cemetery in France, lyrics from Crawling King Snake, a hand made Mother's Day card and a short note he had made in school when he was just a child. It said something like I can't tell you how much I appreciate all you do for me and I love you. So sweet. I was not a big Doors fan, but after finding things out about Jim Morrison, and watching the movie of course, I was infatuated with what a deep thinking and complicated person he was. Another gift of genius lost to us far too soon. I got the same chills at John Lennon's piano, Janis Joplin's scarves and a fringed white leather vest, Michael Jackson's Thriller jacket, Jimmy Hendrix's couch with the cigarette (maybe lol) burn in it, and his fantastic cape. Not so much on the Elvis stuff, because I had just been to Graceland not that long ago. But I still felt the profound feeling of loss when looking at the articles of those who are no longer with us. A "what a shame" sadness.

There was this kick ass Pink Floyd The Wall display there too. Out in the middle of the escalators to the building. You were not allowed to take pictures in there. But of course I'm a rebel, and I snapped a couple of the wall. This wall (pictures in the link at the bottom of this blog) was huge, had a big blow up character in limbo from the ceiling, the armchair with the televison, the Hammer Flags, from the movie The Wall.

It read:
"In the old days, pre Dark Side of the moon, Pink Floyd played to audiences, which, by virtue of their size, allowed an intimacy of connection that was magical. However, success overtook us and by 1977 we were playing in football stadiums...the magic crushed beneath the weight of the numbers we were becoming addicted to the trappings of popularity
I found myself increasingly alienated in that atmosphere of avarice (insatiable greed for riches) and ego, until one night, in the Olympic Stadium in Montreal, the boil of my frustrations burst. Some crazed teenage fan was clawing his way up the storm netting that separated us from the human cattle pen in front of the stage, screaming his devotion to the 'demi-gods' beyond his reach. Incensed by his misunderstanding and my own connivance I spat my frustration in his face. Later that night, back at the hotel, shocked with my behavior, I was faced with a choice. To deny my addiction and embrace that 'comfortably numb', but 'magicless existence', or accept the burden of insight, take the road less traveled, and embark on the often painful journey to discover who I was and where I fit. The Wall was the picture I drew for myself to help me make that choice." Roger Waters, Summer, 1995
I sat down in awe and amazement, not just at the display, but at the profoundness of his words. WOW, I just had to sit a while and take it in.

After that, the ride home was very scenic. Traveled as much of Lake Erie Lake shore as I could, lots of HUGE houses that backed up to the lake. You couldn't see much of the lake itself, but the houses were fantastic. Stopped over at Cedar Point (huge amusement park out on a large peninsula) to snap a pic or two of the lake, and again at a parking lot to see the amusement park in the distance, and then the rest of the way home was praying not to intercept the looming storm. That didn't work, but luckily the wind whipped it past quickly, and after hiding under an overpass, it was throttle down the rest of the way home.

For 150 miles I got to watch the sun set. A spectacular display of a kaleidoscope of pastel colors ever changing as time went by. The sun with it's giant beams of light piercing through the clouds. It reminded me of a thousand spot lights shining all around the cloud creating a halo of beams. Whenever I can actually see the rays of the sun, it reminds me of a Rush song that I used to like..."The shifting shafts of shining weave the fabric of their dreams" A large cloud covering most of the sun, rays peeking out upward and down. Above the sun, pastel oranges like dreamcicles, and gold, below shades of pastel lilac and baby blues. As the sun moved slightly over time, so did the colors. It was really beautiful. I could have stopped and watched it for hours. God, The Universe, Mother Earth, and Life, indeed a spectacular sight to behold, and I am blessed to have the ability to bear witness.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2050283&id=1271155693 1200 miles in 3 days pictures