The Road Untraveled

Riding in November without chaps or heavy leathers, just a windbreaker and a sweatshirt. The unseasonably warm weather for the last 3 days in a row was great, I planned to fully take advantage of it. When I woke up today it was delightfully still mild, and the forecast had changed from 60’s and rain, to 70’s and sunny. Another day to savor the good stuff. It will be hard for me to find that good stuff when the world around me is frozen under it’s months long white blanket of stillness. A gift within a gift, that’s what today was. I chose to head south today, and savor every moment of the probable last ride of the year. I was taking mental note of everything I could and committing it to memory to keep me warm through the winter months while my baby sits blanketed in the dark garage until spring.

These past few days, it’s seemed as if I have been looking at my surroundings with new eyes, making it a point to travel down roads I hadn’t seen, and wondered where they led. I found myself amazed at the vast rolling farm land all around me. I grew up in Chicago and the South Suburbs, then moved slightly farther south for a while, where the area was speckled with small farms here and there, but mostly subdivisions, then moving farther still, to Indiana. I’ve lived in this area for over 15 years now, I’m well aware that I live in an agricultural area. I’ve encountered many a slow moving tractor, hay wagon, the occasional horse and rider traveling roadside, and of course the lovely fertilizer smells of spring and fall. But for some reason, lately, I’ve been rediscovering the beauty of the land. Apparently I’ve gotten really good at turning a blind eye, taking it all for granted. My observation ride led me past sheep, goats, horses, cows, dead skunk, and acres upon acres of farm land some recently cut down, and some freshly turned over and fertilized. Miles and miles of land, shades of brown and amber, vegetation in it’s final stages, rows of trees in the distance with leaves in all shades of brown, everything readying itself for the long Midwest winter nap knocking at our door. The sun was fabulously inviting, and the road was welcoming, even though I had no idea where I was going, or if I was going to get lost. For a while I was a little afraid, as some of the turns I took led me to less than ideal riding conditions. I wondered if I was making a mistake, and should I turn back to a familiar direction. I told myself to keep going a little while, and make that decision again if it didn’t get better. Each time I did that, the road seemed as if it then rolled itself out and led me to a more pleasant journey. Eventually I ran into the smoothest and most scenic road, that was miles and miles of beautiful new pavement. It seemed like it rolled on forever, and I was perfectly content to continue to see this road to it’s end. Before I knew it I was so far east, that I had never been that far away from home by myself. I couldn’t believe it. I hung a left at the next main road, but my eye still tried to reach further down that beautiful new blacktop, and my heart wanted to keep on going. But, alas, I had so many things to take care of yet today.

Heading back toward home, I rode down Veterans Memorial Parkway, a fitting day to be there, and I hadn’t intended on it. I knew there was a Memorial ahead so I looked for the turn off and I stopped there for a brief moment. It was the Lake County Indiana Korean War Veterans Memorial. I read each name listed there, noting if they were killed, missing, or had received honorable mention. It was a sizable list of names, yet they were only people from Lake County. I personally, did not know of anyone who served in Korea, my Grandfather served in England and Germany in WW2, he was a gunner. I hear they told them in training not to make any friends, because it was most likely that they would not make it. My Uncle joined the Marines after he graduated, but I’ve never heard him mention any of it before, I don't think he saw active duty. Even though this memorial did not have any personal meaning to me, these soldiers were important, and deserved a moment of my time to reflect, give thanks, and say a prayer. They paid the ultimate price so that I could be here today, so yes, it was personal after all.

The last few miles of my ride closing in left me feeling like I wanted to keep going, but I had many other things to get done, so I made myself continue on home. I knew that, no matter how many miles I was able to ride on this beautiful last day, it would never be enough. So, I gave thanks for the gift within the gift of this week, and smiled reflecting on my journey. I took a new path, not knowing where it would lead. Some of it was a little treacherous, but, trusting in my abilities, and my sense of direction, I relaxed and kept going forward. What I found was that if I continued forward instead of resorting to going back to familiar territory, if I trusted in myself and was reasonably cautious, that the shaky ground I was on turned into smooth sailing. I gained a little more confidence in myself with each mile, and found beautiful new scenery all around me. And all in all, it was a positive growth experience for which I was thankful.

Amen, I'm alive

I have had an adventurous summer this year, riding in 11 states, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Missouri, and Kansas. I think I’ve done fairly well being present and absorbing it all and committing it to memory. I call it my Enjoy Life Project, and think I did a good job. It hasn’t been all happiness and fun times. This year has had its serious challenges for sure. Early this spring I had a falling out with my best friend of over 25 years, not unforgiveable by any means, but the damage, in my opinion is irreparable. Only time will tell for certain. Over stressed and overwhelmed with the dynamic of management where I worked led me to walking out on a job that I loved dearly. It gave me a lot of free time to decompress and unload the negativity that was encompassing me to be free of the stress and do what I want, when I want.

I have found this to be a difficult past week for me. First, I stumbled upon a piece of unsettling news that had the potential to really shake my foundation of what I thought I knew. I tried not to let it take me over and lead me into a panic, but it did cause me to worry about my future. I also got news that yet another person that I knew had been tragically killed in a random accident, and taken from this world all too soon. I had written about my friend’s brother Michael being killed in a work accident in the spring, which caused me to dwell on what if you only had three days to live. Well, there I am again, thinking about mortality and time. I know we all think that way when we hear of someone’s passing, I’m nothing new. A girl that I sat with at Rider’s Edge Class, and had kept in touch through ladies’ rides and class reunions was tragically killed by a semi that ran a red light as she was driving home in the early hours of the morning. She got off work from bar-tending, spent the night at her boyfriend’s, and decided to get up early, drive her car home to get her books, and go to class. Kelle was 32 years old, and known by many for her smile, her laughter, and being vivacious and full of fun, and in a split second she was gone. If she hadn’t stayed the night at her boyfriends, if she hadn’t decided to go get her books, if she had waited just a few more seconds before she turned onto the highway, she would still be here. But, life is short, and it waits for no one. When it’s your time, it’s your time, and we don’t get to know in advance.

Her family had requested that riders attend her services, as a tribute to her love of riding. I committed to them that I would. I did ride to her wake to pay my respects. It was especially difficult, as this was the same place I had my Moms services a few years prior, and I hadn’t been back since. I spent the hour wait in line fighting off anxiety attacks. Dizziness, difficulty breathing, hot flashes, shaking, the need for air, the all encompassing gut feeling that the world is crushing you, and if you don’t get out, you will surely not make it. Couldn’t leave, I’d lose my place in line. I fought hard not to break down for a few reasons. I didn’t want to look stupid, because I wasn’t so close to her that I would be an emotional mess, and because I didn’t want to make this about me, it wasn’t fair, and because I refuse to be weak, dammit! My Rider’s Edge instructor and I were to ride in the funeral the next day. I had thought it necessary, because I didn’t think there would be that many bikes, but I found out that there were Fire Trucks, and the Freedom Riders attending, and my instructor was riding in with someone else, I started to wonder if I really should go, not having been so close to her. I ended up having an opportunity to spend some time with a friend that I rarely ever get enough time to see, and the weather was wonderful as well, so, after much consideration, I chose not to attend the funeral. I was glad that I had stayed and paid my respects the day before, and I chose to spend the time with a friend, and to take an unseasonably warm ride and to thoroughly enjoy doing what I love most, with God’s gift of a fabulous day. I don’t think Kelle would have disapproved.

Some time has passed since I’ve immersed myself in the joy of riding, due to having my bike in the shop for 3 weeks, and riding weather winding down for the season. I had started to forget how spiritual an experience riding really is. I always ‘know’ being in the wind is a whole body and soul experience, we all have heard people talk about what it feels like to ride. But with the time span between rides ever growing, the full effect of it fades away. It’s been 20 degrees warmer than normal for this time of year these past few days, I’ve been blessed with riding weather in November  and I’m lovin’ every minute of it while I can. There are a few roads that I’ve ridden past and thought, that looks interesting, I wonder where that goes. So, this time, I turned and went there, finding a beautiful new experience unfolding while I absorbed it all. A hilly and winding road, running through some wooded areas, with the sun in my face flickering past near leafless trees, and leading to vast, rolling farmland, some brown and harvested, some newly overturned and rich with heavy warm black earth. I could see the tree lines out in the distance with what seemed like a foggy mist blanketing their borders. Each time I came to a crossroad, I looked each way, then chose the most scenic direction. The air was rich with the scent of fallen leaves, the air was warm, yet crisp, as it is in the fall, and the sun was bright, almost blinding, blurring the edges of objects ahead of me, I could feel it’s warmth, but I could tell it was much farther away than what I had enjoyed all summer long. I felt a deep, comforting wave of peace overcome me in those moments. I could feel it in my bones, it started in my chest, and radiated it’s way down to my core, and I felt comforted and relaxed. It was different than the normal relaxation riding brings. Without being given a reason or proof, I felt that everything will be ok, that God and the Universe is beautiful and good, and that life for me is going to be just fine. I have no explanation, other than I was viewing the world with new eyes, as if I had never seen landscape like this before, and every inch of it amazed me. I have many concerns and worries in general, and this week in particular, but in that moment, something told me that everything will work out for the good and I am traveling the right road.

The lesson I’m taking away from this past week is, take that extra few seconds to look around you before you take that intersection, and pay attention to all of your seconds. Do what you have to do and what you should do, but make sure you find the seconds that make you happy and fulfill you as well. Life waits for no one, so don’t you wait for better timing, or better circumstances to go after your heart’s desire. Conceive it, believe it, and achieve it, and live life with fulfillment. It’s all happening now, reach for it, you CAN have it, and the universe wants it for you.
Singing Amen, I’m Alive