Words as weapons

Words spoken in anger are the sharpest most dangerous of weapons in your arsenal. Some are deserving of unfriendly fire…not many, but some.
When speaking with someone you know inside and out, someone you care about, you need to tread lightly, because you know every single thing that will hurt them the most, and they’ve trusted you enough to let you in to gain that knowledge. Anger is not an acceptable excuse to say what you want. To hell with the consequences, I’m ANGRY!
Sure people say some things they don’t mean when they’re angry, but I’m talking about reaching way down deep, fully knowing this is the one thing you can say that will damage them the most…the knock em on their ass so they won’t get back up factor. It’s inexcusable!

I’ve recently had a falling out with someone that was a dear friend. It started out as an ‘I’m not speaking to you and you’re not speaking to me’ situation. And, as I know this friend well, I’m sure they were convincing themselves of every negative thing that they were assuming about the situation, so after several weeks I tried to clarify. I chose my words with care. I edited and re-edited everything that I thought would sound like pointing fingers, assuming, judging, and anger. The subject was still touchy, even written carefully. I concluded the email with I hope that this is just a misunderstanding our both our parts, or that it’s a passing phase.

Well, as I feared, the backlash was wicked. My ‘friend’ came back with a vengeance, pointing every sharp finger, every dagger of a word, finding the very things that would hurt the most. The damage is irreparable. I emailed back that the words were intentionally cruel and that I would not engage in that kind of fighting, because that’s not how you talk to someone you supposedly care about. Three more emails later, I had to put said person on my blocked list. The final straw was the email titled it’s all about you, you won’t listen to anyone. Not true, I heard everything, in fact I’ve heard it to the point it keeps echoing through my head over and over. I do not want to let this kind of stressful negativity into my head, it’s toxic. I have plenty going on in my life, I don’t need any more to feel bad about. I’m smart enough to know when there is a no win situation, and to back away. So, my final email said, ok, you’re right, I’m wrong, I’m sorry. You win, are you happy now? I wish you nothing but the best, goodbye.

I’m not the first casualty of wicked words in this person’s life. They are excommunicated from in-laws because of bitter angry statements. It was a very bad situation, however if there was a filter between the angry thoughts and the words coming out of their mouth, it wouldn’t have ended that way. So, I’m added to the casualty list now.

Even if said person were to apologize, the damage is so deep, nothing will ever be the same. I cannot continue a close personal friendship with someone that I have to be afraid to voice my opinion or get upset by something they do. That’s how this started. My ‘friend’ was doing something very wrong, but had the nerve to call me out on something else, and I got angry and stepped back. My stepping back was interpreted as rudeness and negative, and that lead to the not speaking and the self convincing. I reached out to point out what the root of the problem was that made me upset, and the rest is sad history.

So, the moral of the story here is be careful with the words you use around those you love. Everyone says things in anger, but when you go down the path of finding every single thing that will hurt them the most, you need to prepare yourself for the worst. Once you’ve wounded someone to the core, the relationship has been forever changed.