Random Thoughts of an Over Thinker: Recharged

The tattoo above is the newest addition to my ink collection. The 'M' stands for my Mother's side of the family. My uncle is the last male in our family with the last name Miller, and he had a daughter. So there, on my wrist, for the whole world to see, is the indelible remains of a family that I hold dear to my heart. I have included it in an addition on my post "Inked, how much is too much", but I thought I would put it here, just to reiterate what has been on my mind these days...with Mother's day coming and all, it's on my mind even more than usual.

I've just returned from a wonderful trip to see old friends. A TRUE vacation indeed. I actually RESTED, absorbed, ENJOYED. I feel recharged.

As you all know, dear readers, I've mourned the passing of my Mom for 3 years and counting. And you know that my so called Dad (aka alcoholic abuser) has been out of my life since I was 7 and my Mom took me away in the middle of the night with just the clothing on our backs.

Rewind to the past:
I was born and lived in Chicago until I was 7 years old. As a small child, my best friend in the world was, of course, my next door neighbor who was a little over a year older than me. My fondest childhood memories contained sitting at the neighbor's dinner table eating home made flour tortillas, jumping on the bed, watching Wizard of Oz on a tiny little black & white tv, swinging on my swingset while the scent of pine sol wafted from the windows of the next door neighbors house directly behind my jungle gym.

My next door neighbors were the Garcia's. Danny was my best friend, and he had a much older (16 years) brother and sister. Our Mom's were close friends back in the day. When we moved away, our Mom's still tried to get us together to spend time, but it was difficult, because Danny's Mom didn't drive, and my Mom wouldn't go near the house in fear of my Father's abusive tendencies. We did make it out for lunches to White Castle, where Danny used to tease me because I could only eat 1 hamburger. (For those of you not in the midwest or without knowlege of 'sliders'..they are little square hamburgers smaller than the palm of your hand. And they usually come with gastrointestinal consequences, a slider hangover, if you will.) We played in the park, rode bikes on the trails, ate donuts at Huck Fin's. But, after Dad bashed in the front and rear windows of the crappy little car Mom got in the divorce settlement (which was ALL she got, he made sure of that), we moved farther away to the far south suburbs. Too far away for visits, and my Mom was very busy working downtown and supporting a child as a single mother.

Now fast forward to the present:
One day, I decided to check into my classmates.com profile, as it had been many months since I had been there, I notice a message in my inbox. Low and behold there was a hello from my old bestest pal, Danny! I could not believe my eyes! But it had been there since December, and it was now May! I responded with great enthusiasm, and hoped that he had not given up on me. After a couple days he responded with equal excitement. We chatted back & forth via email, and invited me to visit him and his Mom in Texas for her 81st birthday party. At first I politely declined his gracious invitation to stay at their house. After a couple days of thinking about how our Mom's were close, suddenly I burst into tears and felt like I had the opportunity to reach out and grab a little bit of my happy past, and a little tiny piece of my Mom as a result. Unsure how successful the reconnection would go, I visited for only a long weekend. Little did I know, when I got there, it was as if we had never skipped a beat. I loved spending time with his family. I actually got to hear stories about my Mom and my Dad too. As often happens with bitter divorces, the good details get shoved into a corner while all the negatives stand in the foreground for all to see and remember. Dan's siblings told me how much my Dad worshiped me, and gave me everything my little heart desired. I was, indeed, a spoiled Daddy's girl. (But, don't forget, still petrified of the abusive alcoholic all the while.)It was nice to hear their recollections, and I got to find out a few things about myself in the process. i.e. My Dad created the unloading ramps at the train yard for all the cattle, out of railroad ties and strong building materials. He was a master at creating solutions and ideas. (I had the ah hah moment of 'that's why I'm so handy, and always looking for ways to make things easier or better.) Dad was an inventor. Something that was rarely, if ever, disclosed by my Mom, or Grandparents. They hated him...and for good reason. I cried like a baby when I left, I had gotten a little piece of my childhood and my Mom back, and I didn't get enough time with them.

I went back again just last week and stayed for a whole week this time. We did pretty much NOTHING (no actual events, no actual plans) the whole week. It was the best 'nothing' I've done by far! We dined out daily on some absolutely awesome food, ran a few errands, jet skiing on the river on Sunday, sat on the patio by the pool...and talked. We never really ran out of anything to say! I slept better than I have in YEARS...and that's a big deal for me...not only because I'm an insomniac, but because I can NOT sleep ANYwhere but my own bed! And there I was, falling asleep within 30 minutes, and sleeping for at least 8 hours straight! UNHEARD OF! (for me, anyway!) I cannot stress the fact that I absolutely LOVE spending time with them....and when it was time to leave....the only thing I could get out through the tears of goodbye was thank you SOOO much, and I LOVE you!

There I was crying like a fool going through security check at San Antonio airport. I was sad....but happy. Depleted but Recharged. Lonely again, but reunited.
My spiritual batteries were recharged, and I felt peaceful again.

After the last disasterous 2 months, I cannot stress enough how badly I needed this feeling! In your life, some people come, some people go.... Good riddance to those who come only to get what they need and then leave, or those who choose to hurt you instead of FIX things....and the ones that go and come back are truly VERY special indeed!

Life has it's ways of draining and depleting us, but the Universe, and God fill you back up. I still believe that this is my year.....I will finally get to be the me that I know I am...fulfilled, happy, loving, and joyful...I'm looking for that open door...so come on.....BRING IT!

It was really a fulfilling trip for me. As a child, my family used to call me Shari, which, as I grew older, I didn't like. But, now that I have so little family left, hearing Danny & his Mom all call me Shari, it warms my heart :)

So I've decided I should post some of my restful, peaceful, spirit recharging pictures with this blog. Enjoy!